I couldn't help
but agree with Hans in his earlier posting on "Love and only Love".
Hence, I was spurred to give my humble view on the subject for all to
reflect upon. The truth often hurts, yes and it does, for I agree it
is plausible to maintain a gay relationship but the truth is; I sadly
state again it will end be it 10, 20,30 years. I do not deny there are
some fated few who escaped this harsh reality but generally the individual
in the M'sian gay community, you and I, faces this destiny.
For although some
of us claim we're better off than str8's, I tell you solemnly we are
not, we're in a different context altogether. As Han has mentioned,
a str8 couple has the benefit of social, legal and religious backing,
they fit in the grand scheme, but we as gays do not. And because we
lack this backing, the task of maintaining a relationship is often difficult
and love in this context has to mean more above all else to make up
for that loss of backing.
So whose fault is
it, the society or us? I feel it is us. Generally our community uses
love ever so lightly. The commodities that are held in esteem are that
of a physical nature and not purely for that only the heart can see
in another person. Love has to be unconditional and sacrificial, some
may disagree and say it's impossible, I thought to so too. But, at a
point in my life I struggle with myself for the strong feelings I had
for a str8 guy. I asked myself did I really love that person. I ask
myself "Can I live by this person if he were to be in accident
and be vegetable or stricken by cancer? Do I love him if I stripped
him away of his physical attributes that I was first attracted to? Do
I love him for his heart? Am I willing to sacrifice for this person?"
That is the purest form of love unconditional and sacrificial; It didn't
matter if I didn't have sex with him so as long I was close to him.
The casualness of
sex too is something I find repugnant to the very core. We have much
to learn from our str8 counterpart as of the sacredness of sex, sex
is the form of the highest expression of love to another living breathing
soul. But what has it been degraded too? Sex is but an action to give
in to one's desire, for that short burst of climax. So often we view
another as just but another object of fulfillment I humbly think it
would be better if we view one another as another homosexual soul, brother
or sister in a journey to find some form of peace in their lives. Why
not we make this journey together?
Following, we ask
for legal recognition but do we need or even deserve such formalities
when the average LTR doesn't even last? On the legal issue, what we
need is not legal recognition but acceptance by the society itself.
What use if we were given all the rights and exposure but the general
society still deems us as nature's accident? Which part of our gay community
would the public eye look at if attention is to be given? I ask you,
those mundane everyday gay saints or the colourful gay life of sauna's,
cruizin parks, disco's and sex? We will be noticed when and if we improved
our life styles.
Lastly, I struggle
with my homosexuality everyday although I greatly admire so many people
who are very out about it. Still my doubt never fails to haunt me. I
don't know if it's right to be gay? Or if it is right to have sex with
a man but I do know one thing for sure, that each one of us is capable
to love another man with all his heart, all his soul and all his strength
because I felt this strong love twice in my life. I strongly believe
sex (wether it be with ur lover or 3rd parties or ons) becomes secondary
when the relationship has evolve to a higher plain.
Those blessed with
physical attributes are better off in terms of attracting the right
specimens but I and the average few have to muddle our way through this
silent cruel way of life in gay societies, rejections, heartaches, pain
and loneliness. Yet it is through this pain and loss that I begin to
realize the value of love. At last, dear readers you would ask (if u've
lasted this far), what is my point? What is my solution? In short ;
I believe all of
us have that one great love out there waiting for us, some of us are
fortunate to meet them but most of us passes them without knowing. Will
we ever find them? Perhaps yes and no, love eludes us when we search
for it but hits us when we least expect. So plant our own flowers in
the garden of our lives aNd make things beautiful, while waiting for
someone to come with a pot of flowers.
I thank those who
have read this far to see my point, I apologize to those whom I may
have offended while expressing my views but it was done with sincerest
of intentions. If there is anyone who shares my opinion (I believe there
are out there, I couldn't be the only crazy
one? I hope not) please do not hesitate to email me. Perhaps we can
get together and make some little efforts to change the façade
of our gay community.
Selected
quotes from the Responses:
Date: Sun Nov
21, 2004 1:02 pm
No
Such Thing as Perfect Love
Perfect love? There
is no such thing as far as I am concerned but that does not mean we
cannot be interdependent or be scared to fall in love.
I also think that
sex (lust) is a very important aspect in any love relationships. It's
not only a basic Human need, but like you said, "It is something
very deep and sacred" to have that trust in another human being
with our body which is also our "temple.
Sometimes I think
that saunas should be banned because these are the places which provide
great opportunities for easy sex to be practiced without responsibility!!!
Besides giving rise to the danger of spreading diseases, it also directly
or indirectly caused many gay love relationships to fail.
Date: Mon Nov
22, 2004 1:24 pm
There
should be no theory to begin with...
So many views on
what is love and how should it be. It's all in theory...shouldn't there
be no theory to begin with when it comes to something unpredictable
and intangiable as love?
Date: Tue Nov
23, 2004 8:59 am
Legal
paper does not seal a relationship
That no matter who
we are, whether we are str8, gay or lesbian, when it comes to love,
we are all the same. legal paper and binding are to me, just a piece
of recognition and it does not seal a relationship and make sure it
lasts forever.
Date: Tue Nov
23, 2004 3:38 pm
One
must live in the moment of now
For love to last,
one must live in the moment of now.
